Photo Credit: Hollywood Reporter

So this is a pretty late recap, but as always, I have my reasons. I just moved back to Georgetown for my sophomore year, which means 1) I’m really occupied with my classes and 2) posts are now in D.C. edition! Okay, enough chatter. Let’s get down to the midseason summer finale. P.S. I somehow managed to not see any spoilers, but did hear a lot of buzz about the craziness level of this episode. I’m excited.

Disclaimer: There are spoilers galore. If you have not seen this episode yet read this blog post, you are ruining it for yourself. Watch the episode listed above and then revel in my witty remarks (or lack thereof).

World War A: In theory it was a good line. Unfortunately, the delivery was atrocious and inordinately cheesy.

Ezria in the Classroom: A) The irony of Ezra’s description of true love did not escape me. B) Since when is Aria back in Ezra’s class? C) The preppy look doesn’t work for you, hun. Take off the sweater. D) “As a friend?” Seriously, Aria?? A friend? You can’t friend zone Fitz. E) Why did you answer Jake’s call?

Caleb and Momma Marin: Cutest mother and daughter’s boyfriend relationship ever.

Momma Marin’s Freedom: FINALLY. Sweet moment between Caleb and the savior. Let’s hope the joy lasts…

A’s Creepy Coffin New Threat: Uh oh. They better step up their A-game if they don’t want to relive Momma Marin’s hell again. P.S. Why didn’t this text rhyme? A’s been slacking.

Suspect Cece: Thank goodness it’s out there that Cece killed Wilden.

Caleb’s One-liners: At it again, I see. Mona eating popcorn while watching them scramble in Desperately Seeking Mona? That’s some of your better work, Caleb.

Shauna: Wait, why is Shauna in Wren’s house? Is there some Wren, Shauna, Cece, Melissa alliance? I’m starting to see some sketchy friends here.

Jacqueline: What a poser. I love how Paige snapped her into place with “Cut the crap, Jackie.”

Aria and Jake: I think we’re the same person. Popcorn and film noir as a backup to poetry?

EZRIA: YES, FINALLY THIS HAPPENED. I’m hysterical. I knew Jake wouldn’t last long; he doesn’t understand Aria. The only thing they have in common is their age. This seemed like a quick, unexplained, natural Ezria reunion, which I think is exactly the way it should be. No reasons, no drawn-out talk. Just the old times.

Magic Show: First of all, why does all color fade in Ravenswood? Is this some ABC Family in-your-face Ravenswood tv show promotion? And this is literally my worst nightmare. I cannot stand clowns or magic shows. It’s going to be a divine finale.

Creepy Magician: Is it just me or does it look like Pastor Ted?

Emily: A chain saw??! If it turns out that there are two Red Coats, then why did one put Emily in the box and the other set her free? Or did someone else put her in the box? And why did Cece try to save Emily? Are the Red Coats on different teams? I haven’t been this level of PLL confused in a long time.

A’s Lair: OMG, I thought the first lair was horrifying. This actually gave me chills (and makes much more sense for A. I mean where else did it/she/he/they keep track of it all?) P.S. Where does A get the funds to pay rent? So Cece is on A’s payroll? Aria’s probably right that she paid her to look like A. But why this whole elaborate corporation just to torture everyone in Rosewood? Emily asked the most chilling question of them all: If Allison is still alive then whose funeral did they attend? Plus, who is A or the owner of the lair and puppet stringer? He seems to be watching everyone, including Allison.

Mrs. Grumwald: So Allison HAS been alive! I knew it! But now the question begs: who has been looking for he? Who is he?

Him: WHAT IN THE WORLD. I have never had more mixed feelings of confusion, fear, disbelief, you name it. EZRA IS THE OLDER GUY WHO KILLED ALLISON? WHO HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR HER? Is that why he started teaching at their high school? But why did he date Aria? How could he have gotten away with it all? Who was threatening to get him in trouble for dating a younger girl? How and why did he start the corporation? He probably paid for it all because his family is loaded. Has he been living a double life? How is he always getting from Rosewood to Ravenswood and back? Did he kill Wilden? Is he a murderer? How could this happen? Will the girls find out? Which girl is going to disappear? No wonder the A texts are so clever; he’s an English teacher! Now this makes sense that this is all an Allison reunion so the girls have to be tortured along the way. I feel so betrayed.

Okay, in all honesty I am shocked and literally can’t process this information. Let’s hope that the Halloween episode clears it up a bit.